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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."  (Henny Youngman)

Letters

Hi.

Hello

I happen to be a member of A.A.  Currently, I'm what people would call a "dry drunk": I don't have a sponsor, I'm not working steps, and I hardly call anybody in the program.  I tell you this so you don't get the impression that I'm any kind of "big book thumper."  I think, in order to understand the need for AA, you need to be an alcoholic or drug addict in the most disastrous sense of the terms.  For example, there are some people that, left alone for a small amount of time, will get as loaded as possible until they pass out / crash.  Then there are people who can abstain for several years as long as they have a strong will about it.  I'm not going to attempt to make "categories" because I believe every human being's subjective experience of life is different, but there are more than one type of alcohol/drug abusers.  There are a certain kind that just really, really, really like to get fucked up, whether it's to have fun, to blot out negative emotions, etc.  Then, there are people who have a distinct mental disorder where if a pleasure-enhancing substance is ingested, intense cravings for more or better substances occur, immediately and/or in a delayed manner.  This is the reason why so many people "aren't sure if they're really an alcoholic," because there is a full spectrum between the two categories.  Maybe you're more on the side of "really, really like to get fucked up".  If you don't like AA's supposed brain washing, a good place to find commiseration (group therapy) as far as substance abuse and other addictions goes is in churches and other places of worship, not because "god is the only answer" but rather because many people who are in your situation (as far as I see it, that is) have had a mental/emotional turnaround by realizing the important things in life, such as helping others, offering kindness, etc. and those people tend to find like-minded individuals at church.  These ex-abusers don't have a serious mental condition per se, and therefore can admit their faults, turn a new leaf, and move on in life without great effort.  And like I said, there is a full spectrum between categories, so sometimes people that are more on the "mental disorder" side can appear to have control over the amount and frequency of drinking; however, since it is most definitely a progressive disease, these people will eventually find themselves in very poor condition.

Yes I agree that Bill Wilson’s stereotype of the alcoholic is false. We are not all the same and as such we do not need to be told AA has ‘the [only] solution.’ I think to tell people that AA is the only way and to do it any other way leads to death, sanitariums, or some other kind of institution is very dangerous indeed. I personally do not think I need to hand my will and my life over to AA (or God as Bill and Frank saw Him) in order to stop taking drugs or getting drunk – that is my experience, strength and hope, to borrow a phrase from your fellowship. If you do not work the steps, thump the Big Big, don’t have a sponsor and don’t call people in the cult, then that begs the question; why are you a member of AA? If it is for the company, then I would rather be alone than hear about how awful people used to be and how they were ‘miraculously’ saved by a program – and then be told that they can’t prove this, but I must trust this. My ‘friends’ in AA only want to promote the program, talk the steps, stumble the steps, dribble the Big Book, and tell me how bad I am/was without the program. How dull!

As for your point on the disease of alcoholism being a progressive disease, AA certainly helps to make that the case by instilling the self-fulfilling prophecy of powerlessness in Step one in their new recruits. Do you think this is a three fold illness? i.e. a spiritual maladay?

Nobody has taught me any of this that I'm telling you, I've figured it out through almost two years of experience in recovery (I've only been sober for about a year though).
And here's some more food for thought.  Have you read about ibogaine at all?  It is a naturalling occuring compound that "cures addiction" by causing intense hallucinations and a spiritual experience for the person who consumes ibogaine extract.  It has a very consistent reputation for doing this.  Researchers have looked at the effects of ibogaine and similar drugs and have noticed that such substances seem to unlock a section of alternate dopamine pathways that the brain doesn't otherwise use.  People can draw their own conclusions from such published studies, there is still much for us to learn.  My conclusion of all this is that a "spiritual connection" allows a brain with highly imbalanced neurotransmitters and such to function differently and successfully. Basically, whether or not God almighty intervenes and disrupts a person's active alcoholism is irrelevant.  The mere act of believing is enough.

I like to learn and seek the truth; not some phony belief in something that might or might not stop me getting drunk. I wish Santa Claus did really exist and that I could live in that kind of cocoon for life, but alas that is not the truth and with that not a fantasy I choose to maintain. Reality is what is needed here – when I was drunk and high that is what I avoided…

I'm not trying to change your opinion, but I thought I might offer some of interesting if not enlightening insights.

Yes they are interesting. I beg to differ on whether you are trying to change my opinion or not but as I have said on the site, if you believe in AA and its dogma, then Blamedenial is not a place you should frequent. I want to help people see their truth, not instill mine in them.

Take care, and try not to take yourself too seriously.

You take care too – I don’t really take myself that seriously although I do take a cult that is hell bent on indoctrinating anyone with a weakness to their ways very seriously.

Thanks all the same for your letter.

Brian S.

J a m e s  G

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Hi James,

Hello Graham,

I'm writing to thank you for your work on 'blamedenial' -- it seems that you have invested a lot of time and energy in the site, and I think that there is a lack of healthy debate about the role and function of AA and the '12 step' approach.

Thank you for your praise and the acknowledgement with regards to the amount of time I have spent on the site and the videos. I also agree we need to debate this and that was my sole intention when I set out to do all this.

I spent a little over a year in AA, and when I arrived there I really believed that I was hopeless.  I made a few good friends in 'the program' and followed nearly every suggestion I received.  I attended a lot of meetings and 'worked the steps' rigorously, but over time I began to ask myself if this really was time well spent.  I started listening more closely to what I heard at meetings, and found that the statements of members seemed to apply to me less and less.  I grew weary of hearing about the everyday problems of AA members (few of which were actually related to alcohol.)

My experience as well - I am not sure I ever made any good friends in the program simply because none of them promoted my desire to be an individual and they all failed to encourage the belief in me that I was not a bad person. They always wanted to talk about my faults and any healthy pride I showed or felt was shot down with the odd step fired from the barrel of their indoctrinated mouths! Their target was my ego and rarely did they miss the bull’s eye. They were clearly soldiers fighting the war on self and I was their number one enemy, and until I was willing to show my white flag, I was fair game for old-timer and newcomer alike. When I told them I was a drug addict, not a sinner displaying the seven deadly sins, I was reminded that alcohol and drugs are but a symptom. Yes I let people down, but I was not guilty of many of the things they told me I was – and when they chanted ‘YET’ one too many times, I walked away before I became nothing, before I became a shell of a human being, before I took my orders from a dead Bill Wilson.

Finally, I decided that I would leave AA and try to drink normally. (It's funny how common it is to hear the suggestion to 'try controlled drinking' in AA meetings, while if a member states an intent to try controlled drinking, the group works very hard to dissuade him.) Despite several emotional appeals that I should go to more meetings, or work more closely with my sponsor, I had a few drinks.

Tradition Three means that no member of AA is allowed to attempt control drinking anyway – the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I think this is an individual problem which must follow the solution is also an individual one. I have no opinion on abstinence – I really believe if it works for you then do it! I do not believe in ‘the solution’ at all. If the symptom of drinking is a but a symptom then surely the root problem is different for all of us, and with that it must follow that the solution is to?

Things went smoothly at first.  I did not drink everyday, and consumed alcohol moderately for the first few weeks.  Unfortunately, within a few months, my drinking increased substantially.  Afraid that there was no other option, I went back to AA and attended several meetings. But now, AA offers me no comfort -- I am acutely aware of the irrelevance of most of the discussion, the disturbingly close association between AA and Christianity, and the ridiculous drama that occurs at meetings.

That might be because you did what I did and made Step one a self-fulfilling prophecy? And you went back to AA in the belief that it was YOUR fault not theirs? Because they told you the program works as long as you work it? Hmm perhaps I should set up a program with one step – DON’T GET DRUNK – I swear it works as long as you work it, I do!

So now, I have a problem, and I believe the solution is finding others who have recovered from alcoholism without using the AA model.  While I appreciate the effort you have put into challenging the rationality of the 12-step approach, I wonder if you have any constructive suggestions for someone in my position -- surely, there must be many who've had similar experiences.  Please share your thoughts on this if you are able.

I think the best thing to do is to watch my latest video here.

Thank you for your letter and hang in there – let us know how it goes.

Best,

Graham

Regards,

J a m e s  G

 

 

There are more letters but I need some time to reply to them all.

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