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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." (Henny Youngman)
Letters
Hello James,
Congratulations...twice...the first on following your heart and the second on following your heart! Your site has been invaluable to me...it was easier to know that I was not alone in my decision to leave AA, but I'm truly glad that you are planning to move on.
The following is a quote which I often referenced when people were going on and on about humility in AA:
"Humility: True dignity abides him alone, who in the silent hour of inward thought can still suspect and still revere himself in loneliness of heart". Wordsworth
Live well and dare I say, Happy Graduation to you and the many others who have chosen to move on from AA.
Regards,
Denise
Thank you so much for your kind words – they mean the world to me at this time. I did not take this decision lightly. I hope there are people out there that will carry this message forwards and thus on.
All the best,
J a m e s G
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I just wanted to thank you for attempting to conduct a calm rational discussion which might refute the perception of effectiveness that many people have. If the people that run these treatment centers and court ordered programs could hear some of the truth about these cults we might start on the road to having much better alternatives available.
I went to both NA and AA over the years with limited success and have only in the past six or seven months found help online. This has been sufficient so far but it would be so much better if in person alternatives were more available.
I understand that you'll be shutting the site down which is sad but if it's served it's purpose for you then good. It isn't good to nurse a grudge against this thing. Better to move on. But it's being available hopefully has helped some people that thought AA was not only the only thing available but that it actually worked.
Mike
Mike,
Thank you taking the time to write to me. I agree with you wholeheartedly and I am glad you feel the site has served its purpose and that you understand my reasons for moving on.
I wish you all the best.
J a m e s G
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hello James
it is with great sadness that i here you are closing your site but i also understand your reasons, it has served its purpose for you and its time to move on . i have only known you a short while but i was glad to find someone with who i could relate to in their feelings about AA that there is other alternatives to AA and the curse that bonds us together. i hope we can keep in touch in the future
i wish you all the bestPaul h
Paul,
Thank you for taking the time to email me. I am sad the site is closing too but it is a necessary part of my life. I have done what I intended to do and I am glad that we had our dialogue. Keep sending us letters until the 1st of September – your letters have been invaluable to both our visitors and myself.
Good luck,
J a m e s G
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Hi James
HUGE respect for your decision.
And – as always with you – this was just what I needed to hear.
I ‘met’ you at just the right time. I repeat my apologies to you btw and am in a better position now to explain the situation.
I was fighting the AA corner as if my life depended on it – which I guess felt it did. I had achieved a few months’ sobriety in AA and then it went wrong. I was suddenly desperate and in true AA style felt it must be all my fault. My behaviour towards you was poor and I regret that – but you represented the threat I was facing. I suspect this is why many have given you a hard time – fear.
I was spiralling downhill in serious panic mode.
But your words there – you want to move forward not as an addict – rang clear. That is EXACTLY what I want but have not dared believe it possible.
I looked at the ‘mess’ that was me and bought into the view that I wouldn’t survive without a safety net like AA. But of course, I am only a mess if I see myself as one. I can chose to stand at the crossroads and take a different road!
YES!
I do believe that we get what we need if we are determined enough – and you appeared at just the right time! Thank you.
I am grateful to you for your patience and wish you well in your future without labels!
Love and best wishes
Giselle
Giselle,
Perhaps one of the more meaningful letters I have received to date. As for giving me a ‘hard time’ - not at all. I appreciate the chance to debate this and I have learned from you as well. When any of us make a decision to leave AA we have to embark on a process that essentially destroys what we believe and that will always be painful. I did not find that as hard as trying to show the people around me that had never been to AA that it might not be right for me. I had no credibility; the consequences to my using had ruined that. I was greeted with the same chants of denial that I was in AA and my ideas were reduced to nothing with the simple reminder that I had promised so much before. We have achieved something here, however. Let us be sure to make something of all this by living meaningful lives away from AA and its self-defeating dogma.
Stay in touch – and I wish you all the best.
J a m e s G
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James:
Hey, just read the announcement - and I totally agree with your decision.
The biggest gift I got from Orange was freedom. Freedom from drugs and dogma!
I do totally feel free these days.
James
James,
Thanks for you message of support - our conversation had something to do with my decision and I feel too it is for the best.
Please continue to contribute to the site until it goes down on Sept 1st 2006.
Take care,
J a m e s G
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Only want to say that you have many talents.
This movie is made in a professional style.
Farewell wherever you'll go.
DetlefDetlef,
Thank you and I am sure I can make some of my own luck. I am not
sure about it being professional but I'll take your word for it -
thank you nonetheless.
J a m e s GIn response to the last video.
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Sounds like a really healthy decision to me, James. I wonder
if you'd mind if I copy this note and post it in another group
where I have recommended your BlameDenial site. If not, that's
fine too, I'll just post a note that you are closing the site
and remove it from the links section in that group.
You might also be prepared for someone who wants to "mirror"
the site -- to preserve it for posterity. Someone may ask you
if they can do this. If so, you should stipulate that you don't
want your e-mail address on the site, and that visitors should
be provided with another contact address.
I think your decision is totally understandable and, unless
you change your mind in between now and September, my hat's off
to you for a successful and healthy exit from RecoveryWorld.
Best wishes as you move on.-Radiogravy
Anyone who wants to mirror the site is most welcome to do so. Just
tell them to email me and they can have all my work and use it.
Thank you so much for your kind words - it makes me feel like all my
work has not been in vain.
J a m e s G-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That was very well put together, James!! Thanks for sharing
that. :)
AlisonThank you and as always it means a lot to me to hear from people.
Take care,
J a m e s G
In response to the last video.
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Dear James,
Without your site I would have left my husband and left my children without a father. Please reconsider your decision. What you have done is good. Thank you.
Mary
Mary,
I am so glad I have made a difference to not only your life but all those around you, but right now I need to live my life for the first time in 8 years. Stick with it and follow your heart.
J a m e s G
PS I was very moved by your brief letter. I hope it works out well for you.
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Hi James,
I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to us all. Your site is amazing, your videos so moving that I've found myself tearing up watching some of them.
I think you're a very brave man to do what you did. To speak up for the vulnerable and say what you felt needed to be said and to say it with such dignity.My friend J was an alcoholic. He died recently of a heart attack at 38 years of age. He was a special person. He was the best of me. Sometimes I think he was life itself and the world is an emptier place for lack of him. I was in love with him for many years but we drifted apart in recent years and I hardly saw him at all during the last year of his life.
What cuts me up the most is the fact that I never confronted him about his drinking. I knew he had a problem and I never spoke to him about it. I didn't want to stick my nose in at first, and didn't want to alienate him. I tried to be a good friend and loved him with all my heart but I can't help but feel I failed him when he needed me the most. We worked together for 8 years and I often worked in the kiosk where he bought his drink. He was never drunk and it took a while for the penny to drop. Even when it had though, I said nothing about it. Just continued being his 'friend' and let him down in the worst way possible.
He started to get help with a non A A organisation but because we drifted apart, I don't know if he stuck with it.
James, I think your site has done a wonderful thing. I wish J could have seen it.
I'm sorry this letter isn't as articulate as many of the letters and articles on your site. I just wanted to express my appreciation for you and your work.
Much Love,
Claire
Claire,
What an amazing letter! I am left sitting here in total awe for your ability to express precisely how you feel. Whatever happened to your friend, you did what you felt was best at the time and that is all we can do. I do not think you let him down at all. In fact had I had a friend who was able to express herself as well as you do I think that would have only served to encourage me to do the same. What a horrible situation but not one you should feel any less for having been involved in.
Thank you for having the courage to write to us.
With huge sympathy,
J a m e s G
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I am sad to hear that, I found it a very moving site, well put together and
thoughtful. I enjoyed the format , it put into words the process known as 12
steps. Many times people can feel something is wrong with the program but lack
the skills to articulate it.Thank you but being someone that has read all I have to write I am sure you can understand my decision. We can all make a difference whether we go public or not…
All the best,
J a m e s G
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Sorry to hear that you are letting your site lapse James, but I can
understand your reasoning and wish you the best.
Thanks.
Rick.Thanks Rick – I wish you all the best as well.
J a m e s G
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James,
I haven't been reading the posts real thoroughly. Just went to your
site and saw that it was going to be gone soon.
I think you should make sure that your work is saved.
There were other things that were "established" that went by the
wayside. It's when the victims throw their hands up and don't see
the power of their cause that we get buried.
Know that the world is changed by individual outrage. You plant
seeds. Sometimes they do not sprout for years and years.
Despots cannot continue forever. What AA has is camaraderie. It's
the lonely hearts club. In the beginning that is important. It's
also "free." Very smart marketing. Very smart.
Ranting and raving gets well meaning people nowhere.
If the Roman Empire fell and the third Reich...AA possibly can go
under. There will always be the faithful though.
Others have to start the change. They also have to put their
personal gain aside to make something happen,.
Can you imagine if the suffragettes of the USA who got the women the
right to vote wanted to give six figure salaries to the hierarchy?
The greatest revolutionaries would forego their "salaries" until
victory was theirs.
I am saddened to see some good programs that cost money. If they
want to compete with 12 step they should not charge. I know that's
economically not sound but that would be the ONLY way to knock them
out. SOMEONE WITH MONEY AND POWER AND A GOOD IDEA to make it FREE
to all who wanted it.
Someone with something to give could approach government or private
industry but with a solid idea. They would bite.
You can't go ranting and raving. That makes us look disgruntled.
Who believes the addict or alcoholic anyway?
But it takes time and money and organization.
Please mirror your site. I assure you that your work will be used
one day and you will get a big old smile on your face when you read
about it or see it on line or on TV. thanks for your efforts to
prove that we know something that the whole world needs to know.
Thanks
SBTSBT,
Thank you for your kind words but the thought of my words or videos on TV horrifies me – ha ha. I do not want to add to your message other than to say keep up the fight. We have a lot of support but I am not the man to do this – I am too dull. Woo hoo! No, but seriously, we have planted a seed but we do not have to sell ourselves to water that seed! My word, I sound like Bill W. there.
In jest and in seriousness alike,
J a m e s G
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I guess I am just trying to goad you a bit, keep you here
amongst the muckrakers a little longer, I have the passion, but lack
the drive to create a site like yours... I may have misread you but
it sounded a bit like you though the odds of making an impact were
slim, but i do not doubt for a second that you did reach some people
and make them rethink a few things.
AA's invulnerability is as much of a big lie as its efficacy, and
whether we fight it on a systemic level or an individual one, we can
make a difference.
ABMABM,
I like the challenge and I say what I think and when I need to. I
may have been wrong in what I said to start this post but look at
the impact it has had in terms of making us all think. We do not
have to be right; that is not the key here; we need to be open-
minded and we need to risk expressing how we feel when we feel it.
Thank you for doing just that.
Hang in there buddy and no hard feelings - I like your style and I
believe you are an invaluable asset in all this.
J a m e s G-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------