home : overview : the steps : treatment : confession session : links : contact : letters : random : my aa writing : research

Page 1 : Page 2 : Page 3 : Page 4 : Page 5 : Page 6 : Page 7 : Page 8 : Page 9 : Page 10 : Page 11 : Page 12 : Page 13

The latest letters are posted on: Page 14 Updated 21/09/08

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."  (Henny Youngman)

Letters and Comments

I am going to figure out a new way to post letters as the old way is no longer viable.

NEW LETTERS - Updated 22/09/08

old letters here

Dear James,

I just want to say thank you, sincerely, for the work you and your comrades are doing. I was a member of AA for 3 months, at a time when I was at my lowest. I was 13-stepped by someone who had 5 years--- can you imagine actually having an intimate relationship with one of these people on top of the "friendships" I had with other members? So not only was I shamed for my drinking problem, I was then shamed (by some) for being in a relationship in the first year, all the while manipulated by my boyfriend who although sober, was just as sick as ever! Surprise, surprise!

S,

Many thanks for the email and the praise. Thankfully I was spared the horror of being 13th step, but yes the prospect of being in a relationship with a stepper does sound somewhat daunting. As for being shamed for the fact you were 13th stepped sounds like the typical AA blame game – and let us not forget how much AA looks down on anything that threatens the newcomer’s dependence on the rooms.

I was told by a female member that I was a "sick, alcoholic woman" who can't make any decisions. Another told me she used to be "intellectual and defiant like you" as she laughed and told me I should "park my feminism at the door."

I have always enjoyed engaging my brain; hence I am no longer in the rooms.

I broke off all contact with the group after I began to feel more and more depressed, hopeless, and helpless while attending. I'm still not sure I am even an alcoholic, although I know have problems with binge drinking at times. All I can say is what a mind fuck it all was and I still feel traumatized. For someone with a Master's degree in Communication, I am kicking myself for not knowing better, for not trusting my intuition when I could see through the holes in their arguments. I still can't believe I allowed myself to be duped.

What is an ‘alcoholic’? I think it is a very personal diagnosis. As for being duped I felt much the same way but given the sheer number of people telling me how good the program was coupled with the universal approval it enjoys it is not really that shocking. Add to that the fact AA hides you from the critics, and I think we can forgive ourselves.

I apologize for such a long-winded rant! I really only meant to say thank you and keep up the fabulously great work! It is so important! You are saving lives.

Stay in touch.

Best wishes,

James G

---------------------------------------------------------

Hi James,

Hello Wayne,

I just wanted to thank you for your very informative web-site. Between you, the Orange Papers and Blamedenial web pages, I’m not feeling so all alone in the world anymore. Although it’s rather lengthy, I thought I’d send you a copy of “my story” regarding my experience with Al-anon and A.A.

I am pleased the site has been of use to you and I got much from reading your story. Perhaps we could post it here for others to read should you agree?

Thank you again and best regards,

Wayne

James G

-------------------------------------------------

Hi, I was wondering if you still go to AA.  You seem to have had a bad experience. Do you live in the UK? I would be interested to find out why you are so angry with AA. I felt that way towards AA for a long time but then I found a friend to explain the book to me in a way that made sense and that in turn made my anger disapere

Chris,

No I do not attend AA – save the odd online chat room where I might cause a stir by throwing some reality into the mix. Yes I do live in the UK. I did not have a positive experience in AA much like many people, as documented through the letters pages on my site. If you would like to find out why I am so angry with AA perhaps you should read my site? Damn that old slogan comes to mind, ‘contempt prior to investigation’. Why don’t people in AA do their research when a doubter speaks out?

I don’t think you get it – I was happy with AA just as long as I remained numbed and dumbed by what it was really trying to do to me. I grew angry with AA precisely when I began to understand it, so I do not think I need to comprehend the book, but thanks for the tip.

I have since then explained what I learnt to others that had a very limited and mistrusting view of AA. This include members, non alcoholics, atheists, agnostics and a psychiatrist.  I would be more than happy to meet up with you to talk to you about my experience.

Thank you for the offer, but I cannot help you practice your 12th step and I must decline. I have discussed this at length with a number of people both inside and outside of the rooms, and I really do not want to meet up with a stranger who I essentially disagree with.

All those things that you think AA does is not AA as AA has no opinion on anything. We have a 12 step program that has been adopted by a myriad of other organisations. This program facilitates the individual having an experience that will enable them to see the truth about their life, wipe the slate clean and start again. It will enable them to connect with a power that will solve their problem. I denied the power that lives within me for most of my life, the 12 step process in AA enabled me to see the truth about who I am, it enabled me to clear away the guilt, shame, denial and fear that had so crippled me. It enabled me to see the beauty of my soul and how it had never been anything other than that.

The program does not help people see their lives for what they are, it insists they see their lives as mirroring Bill Wilson’s and if their experience is somehow different they are met with accusations of denial. AA moulds people to their stereo-type; it does not aid them in becoming more acquainted with themselves. It is an institution in denial and it is destructive in the way it treats anyone that does not want the program to be their lives.

AA made me feel shame for who I was and demanded I remain in debt to it for the pleasure.

I hope you don't stay angry forever as that would be a shame.

I am not that angry anymore; after all I got out in time.

I hope you don’t stay brainwashed forever, that would be a crying shame.

Have a wonderful day

You too.

James G

--------------------------------------

James,

I don’t know you, but I feel your pain—I identify with it—and I love you.  I just found your site tonight—late tonight—and have not been able to read it in full.  Perhaps I might do more reading on your site later, but in case my life gets too busy, I feel moved to write this to you now—and to keep it as brief as possible being that I will be up early to go to a 7AM AA meeting.

Andrew,

As soon as I read that first line I knew I was in for a whopper of an email; in fact it was such a whopper it has single handedly reignited my passion for this to such an extent I had to add another letters page – the first in quite some time. As for keeping this brief; did you ever make the meeting?

In short I agreed with some of what you wrote, and I’m sure if I took the time to read more I’d find more to agree with.  I especially agree with you when it comes to treatment centers, but they are not—and never will be—AA.  But yes, people in AA encourage people to make gurus out of their sponsors, we sometime s exasperate what can only be called a drinking problem (the Big Book does talk about the different types of drinkers—maybe you should read that), and we have a wide variety of sick personalities, molesting some pretty simple philosophies and saying outrageous things at meetings. 
And your point is………………………….?

I am glad you agreed with some of what I have put down on these pages, but believe it or not there is a growing number of people that do. I have my issues with treatment centres, namely that for the most part they adopt the AA model of recovery. When you say they are not AA, you cannot deny the fact they sell it and that it is therefore their product. This total unwillingness for AA to take responsibility for the monster it has unleashed on society is right royally annoying too. Whatever the Big Book says about drinking, I have never seen a newcomer that clearly should not be in the rooms be told in no uncertain terms that AA was not for them. Well my points are clearly explained through the site and the numerous videos I have produced on Youtube.

Dude, when you find the perfect organization to quit drinking, rule a country, manage health care, etc, do let me know.  My point being, AA is a dysfunctional organization, just like all human organizations, but within the chaos of Alcoholics Anonymous there are solutions for the sick and suffering alcoholic, the dry drunk and even society.

I do not think AA should be perfect; I am saying it should get honest though. AA is in denial about its low success rate, or high failure rate if you prefer. It also fails to warn newcomers of the potential pitfalls and dangers inherent in the rooms and it refuses to accept that alternatives do exist, and it will not budge on the stereotype of the alcoholic it has created.

The writers of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous desired nothing more than to liberate alcoholics from the insanity of active addiction and then return them to society as whole, fully functional human beings.  It was never the intent of the original Big Book authors to create a dependence on Alcoholics Anonymous.  I will agree with you that they desired their members to find a Higher Power that they could rely on, but only in terms of liberation.  Can you grasp those important paradoxes?  We are powerless, we surrender to a Power greater than ourselves, and we live free.  And, yes, atheists can do this as well and still remain atheistic.  (though, as poet, lover, author and artist, what’s the point of living in a strictly scientific creation—it’s like a movie without a soundtrack)

How do you know that that is what the writers of the Big Book wanted? How much do you really know about the real Bill Wilson? I have quite an able mind and I understand precisely what AA is trying to hide behind the smokescreen of the HP. It uses it as a vehicle to get people to do what AA wants them to do, which is to keep coming back and to recruit more members. Why does the world have to be empty if one is an atheist? Surely life is life and can be rich and fulfilling whether it is eternal or not?

I think the biggest thing that is motivating me to lose sleep to write you is that this website of yours is like an electronic memorial of your continued enslavement.  You had your enslavement to your addiction, your imagined enslavement to AA, and now this enslavement to this quest to debunk AA.

As I said when I began this, it has been a while since I have replied to a letter for the site. I am far from enslaved to this; I am well away from AA as are so many others who contact me. I was enslaved in AA, hell bent on doing the steps and trapped in meetings listening to people tell each other how awful they were and how wonderful AA was. My aim is not so much to ‘debunk’ AA but instead help people who feel stifled within its grip to see that there is a life beyond both the rooms and whatever problem brought them there. This is not so much about revenge as it is about alleviating that crippling isolation one feels when they publicly doubt this program.

It’s great that you are questioning AA, but it seems that this quest to out AA on its faults has consumed you.  Generally speaking your website—just skimming over it—reads like the long, long, long rantings of a madman (Please don’t take that as an insult; it’s late at night and to save time and words, I’m going to be blunt).

You are not the first member of AA to describe them as the rants of a madman. Whether I am one or not is up to you to decide, but to be fair I do not feel like one. I simply question AA because I feel that is a healthy thing to do to an organisation that claims to know me so well. If I was truly to hand my will and my life over to this program, which is effectively what we do in Step three, then surely it would only be a madman who would do that without first fully understand it, and questioning it – even if those questions are unpleasant and challenging.
 
What is your motivation here?  Who is your targeted audience?  Who do you think is going to be willing to read all your very long entries?  These are important questions because, damn, if you are going to put as much work and effort into this as you have been, you might want to start thinking about how you can be a more concise and effective communicator.  To put it into perspective, I personally feel that the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was divinely inspired, humorously written, and easy to read (it even has a big type font for those bloodshot alcoholic eyes), but I have been in and out of the rooms since 1992 and I have yet to read the entire Big Book—no matter how well it is written.  So who’s going to be willing t o wade through all the verbiage on your site when it isn’t as well written, entertaining, and compelling.  I’m not saying that your writing isn’t important, but I am saying that there is a HUGE difference between journal and therapeutic writing and writing to effectively communicate with a chosen audience.

My motivation is explained above, and my audience, purely by accident, has become many people who feel the same way as me. Although when I began I did not think there was many of us out there. My entries are not that long in comparison to the Orange Papers; a site that has a mind boggling number of visitors. I get around 200 visitors a day, and I think he is somewhere more like 20,000! First and first most I do not really put that much work into this for the sake of others but more so in the hope of understanding what has happened to me, and how I can make it useful. I am not on a moral crusade but if I can help someone along the way, create some bonds in the process, and grow as a result, then I think this can only be worthwhile. I am afraid I do not share your views that the Big Book was divinely inspired; but you are free to believe that if you wish.

Whether my site is well written or not is not the point here, and neither is the entertainment value. The point is that AA takes people over and harms many of them in the process, not to mention trapping them in an endless cycle of shame and guilt. If someone relates to something I havw written I am sure they will make an effort to read more of it. If not, no problem. I have not chosen my audience – I put the site up, Orange linked to it one day, visitors began to arrive and they began to write letters. I write what I need to, and that is all I have ever done. I do not tailor any of it to any target audience; this is not a marketing exercise.

Sorry I am out of time… I need to answer some more letters

CONTINUED BELOW ….

---------------------

Dear James,

I had to write to you to express my gratitude and support for you, your website and your videos.

I had a rare moment of clarity after I got home from one of my regular AA meetings on Sunday 7th September, three days ago, and feel like am waking up from a terrifying nightmare.

At around one o'clock on Sunday afternoon I was feeling utterly destitute and had been sobbing the entire way home - the ironic thing being that I had felt alright on my way there. I felt extremely upset and confused yet could not put my finger on what it was that I was upset about. I had been feeling uncomfortable in meetings for weeks, noticing people talking behind one anothers backs, feeling like a failure because I was taking my time over Step Four and was starting to feel really isolated. I felt like I was losing touch with my friends from “outside” and was being forced to question whether or not any of them really were my friends at all. The alternative friendships I was being offered in “the rooms” felt very one sided and I felt as though I couldn't talk openly and honestly about how I was feeling. I was also scared to talk to my family about this, as it had been “suggested” that I didn't discuss “the programme” with them. They couldn't possibly understand, as they weren't “alcoholic” like me.

Almost against my better judgement I called one of my fellow AAers for "support". She told me that it was perfectly normal to be feeling desperate because I was in the middle of Step Four and that I should pray more, write a Step Ten, up my meetings, get on with my inventory, do more service etc etc... She didn't seem to be listening to what I was saying at all. After I hung up, feeling none the wiser, my mother rang. She has been concerned that I have "put all my eggs in one basket" with AA, have come off the anti depressants I've been on for twelve years and am now blaming "my disease" for everything in my life. She said (as she had done many times before) that there were other opinions on alcoholism and alternative options available and that she was worried I didn't have the support I needed (which was how I was really feeling, deep down). I ended up parroting loads of AA nonsense about it being “the only way” and screamed that if she really cared about me she would go to Alanon. After slamming the phone down I suddenly "heard" myself and my blood ran cold. What was happening to me? What was I turning into?

I turned on my computer and tentatively typed “Alcoholics Anonymous criticism” into Google, feeling like I was possibly “signing my own death warrant”. I was terrified but quickly came across one of your videos on YouTube, then Blame Denial,The Orange Papers and Stanton Peele. I have spent the last three days in a state of shock, horror and massive relief as I realise that I've fallen for all this crap and have been brainwashed. Thankfully I only got halfway through my "moral inventory" and can stop the damage now. I feel that I AM well and can stand on my own two feet and that this is why I can question "the programme". I know that if I express this at meetings or to anyone else in AA, I will be told that I am severely "sick" and that it's just "the illness" talking. I don't want to drink, I want to be free; but as you are all too aware AA doesn't make you "happy, joyous and free" at all.

I went to AA because my drinking was getting out of hand and I was desperate. I had suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time and believe I was “self medicating”. I had been in psychiatric hospital the year before for one week. I was extremely vulnerable when I turned up at my first meeting and believed what they said – that I had done the right thing and would never look back. Over the last eight months I have obviously noticed many contradictions and discrepancies in the advice I have been given, but have been told not to worry myself about it and just "keep coming back". I have continued to suppress my doubts and have found myself at more and more meetings, nodding along to everything said like an automaton. I feel disgusted with myself for hanging the propaganda posters for one commitment, for doing two chairs and for encouraging newcomers to “keep coming back” but realise that shame is an AA tool that no longer has a place in my world. I have been brainwashed by a very powerful, global institution and that is not my fault. I now feel violated, angry and sick to my stomach and have sought advice from members of X-Steppers on how to leave.

I will call my sponsor to say my goodbye this evening then get the hell off the phone! After that, I'm looking forward to gathering up all the literature, chips, delusional hand-written gratitude lists that give thanks to the cult and my sponsor, my step work etc. and getting rid of them. I don't want to give this thing any more power over me. I'm starting to believe that I'm actually free for the first time. I have read most of the information on Blame Denial, am working my way through The Orange Papers and have been reading lot's of the message boards on X-Steppers.  I have been (for want of a better word) identifying left, right and centre!

I now realise that I AM an intelligent human being, I DO have a mind of my own, and that this is something to be proud of. I can now freely use my mind to weigh up the options available to me and make choices based on truth. I have booked an appointment with my GP and am going to ask for some non biased counselling as I think I may need some support while I get myself together. I've spent all of this year building up a huge belief system that I am now in the process of smashing. Thankfully I have amazing REAL friends and family who really do want the best for me. I believe that I am feeling well and strong because I have had a good break from alcohol in spite of (not because of) AA. I also now believe that it was ME who did this, not some higher power. Whether I can ever drink again safely remains to be seen, however I now know that if I do choose to have a drink (and it will be a choice) I don't have to feel that I am “relapsing” and drink everything in sight to fulfill the AA prophecy.

I believe very strongly that it is important to let people know how dangerous the twelve step programmes really are. Part of me wants to ring all the "numbers" on my phone, and tell them what I have discovered, but realise that I'm not strong enough right now to cope with the inevitable backlash it would provoke. It has been suggested to me, by people who have never attended AA, not to get carried away and that it's up to other people to decide what's right for them. While I strongly believe that people should have the right to choose, I also believe that brainwashing and cult mentality takes away human rights. In the meantime, I will continue to read the available literature and "de-programme" myself. I will certainly cease to refer to myself as “an alcholic”.

Apologies for this huge rant but I really felt the need to express all of this to someone I was sure would understand!

I fully support what you are doing and wish you all the best with your continuing campaign. I am so glad I have "stopped in time" - to turn one of their many brainwashing phrases on it's head.

Sincerely,

Fiona

PS You have my full permission should you wish to publish any of this on your letters page.

Fiona,

Not much to add except to say thank you for taking the time to write that and for allowing me to publish it. The more of us that speak out about this the better.

I am pleased to note that you are not longer to label yourself an alcoholic. This is one of the most destructive of AA membership in my opinion.

Please stay in touch and let us know how it goes.

James G

---------------------

Herb,

Many thanks for the email and many thanks for saying my website is excellent. I am also so pleased that someone can finally see that 12 Step State was more of a caricature than how I think how AA is going to take over the world. I am note sure I have seen Michael X’s sane gallery; any ideas if they is a archived version of it somewhere?

I did see your video on youtube called the real bill w. which mentions doctor bobs daughter and her story of Bill Wilson. Now what I do find puzzling is that she slams Wilson, and tells us that her father doesn't tell what Bill was really like in order to defend AA. I have never read Sue Smith's book, but I do know that she said that her father was quite abusive, however, I did read Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timer's years ago, and in that story she seems to make Dr. Bob out to be a wonderful Dad. I wonder if this is AA propaganda, or if Dr. Bob's daughter is/was a liar?

It is a good question. I have read Dr Bob and The Old Timers and it is just one big AA promotion. Have you found anymore on the subject? That video is the most popular one I have ever released by viewer figures!
 
Thanks and keep up the good stuff
 
Herb

Cheers,

James G

----------------------------

James
 
Thanks for a truly wonderful site. I have so much to say but have only been away from AA for three weeks or so and need time to calm down and gather my thoughts as I adjust to normal living. However it is good to have found so many like minded people and to have the clarity of thought to see how dangerous a place I have come from.
 
Once again Thanks
 
Patrick

Patrick,

I am pleased that you have left AA and that you have found my site to be of some use. If you have not done already I would recommend reading the Orange Papers and having a look at More Revealed.

Good luck with everything and let us know how it all goes.

Kind regards,

James G

 -----------------------------

Dear James,

Keep up the good work.I got involved with aa in my 20's.I was convinced that I owed aa for my sobriety and that my primary purpose in life was to help Alcoholics.I left aa because I came to see it as a cult.I am over 30 years sober and when I chose to leave instead of being supported for my choice to move on with my life I was told that people who leave aa die drunk or insane.I was judged and guilt tripped.I believe that aa encouraged dependence on aa .I spent many years speaking,sponsoring and allowing my life to be taken over by aa members.I decided that I wanted my life back .I'm still sober and trust my own inner guidance over all members of aa.I 'm writing this to warn other young people about aa. The price for being involved with aa is too high.You are taught not to trust your thinking ,your decisions or your inner guidance.You are instead expected to follow the guidance of an often very unhealthy sponsor.I think perhaps aa might be used as a bridge for some people to get sober if they move on very quickly but this becomes difficult because of peer pressure and brain washing.I know today that I am sober because I choose to be sober and I don't owe aa anything.I would very much like the time and energy I spent there returned to me.I have never met such an unhealthy group of people.Many of the male oldtimers take advantage of newcomer women and used them in all sorts of ways.No one should be forced to attend aa. If one needs help with addiction I think it is best to seek non-12 step counseling.Based on my experience if I had a loved one in need of help for addiction I would not suggest they attend aa.

Sherwoode

Sherwoode,

Many thanks for your email. When I was in AA I was a little overly fanatical as well. In fact I am sure people were shocked when I left it having sung its praises as any loyal cult member does!

I like your letter because it is a nice summary of everything that is wrong with AA.

Take care,

James G

----------------------------------

Andrew’s letter from above continued….

A couple of other points:
 
How many of the world’s Christians actually follow the known and biblically accepted teachings of Jesus Christ?

Very few.  Is it then just to judge the religion of Christianity by the oh-so-imperfect followers of Christ?  The short answer is “of course not” and this is true for most of the world’s religions.

I am not sure what that has to do with any of this unless you are admitting that AA is in some way a religion, although I reject that idea. I believe AA is a cult that uses God as a smokescreen to mask its own self-interest. The notion of an HP in Step 3 is merely a way of getting the newcomer to succumb to the program; it is not about the HP at all. If it was then said HP would be allowed not guide their believer away from the program. People in AA may have differing HPs but all their HPs believe in the same way of life; the program of AA.
 
But that doesn’t mean we should chuck some of the important philosophies of the world’s religions just because a group of people don’t live up to them.  The golden rule “Do onto others as you’d have them do onto you”, karma, and this basic idea that if I harm you, I am harming me because we are connected—the more we strive to live by these principles, the better our individual and societal lives can become. It’s no different with Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Step movement.

Oh I get your point now. Actually I have very little issue with the people in AA; my issue is for the most part with the program and the founders and maybe people that shout from the rooftops about how amazing this program is. I am pleased that people do not follow the program entirely because it is flawed and it does not work, unless we would rather people were desensitised out of a personally and their humanity. As for the do unto others what we would like done to ourselves thing, well I would have liked to have been talked out of this program years ago. Instead I went on to waste valuable years of my life trying to attain perfection in an imperfect program.

Some of the sickest people I have ever met in my life, I met in the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous.  “We’re here because we’re not all there” is a saying that can be used to describe our fellowships, and—as such— we’re bound to fuck up some pretty nice principals.

I agree – but again I am not convinced you can fuck up already fucked up principles…

You doth protest too much.

I suppose you are going to say women and black people did too before they got the vote? Although I am not comparing our struggle to theirs, I am saying that it will take a while for society in general to see that those of us who have left AA had a right to do so without being told we are going to live a miserable and horrible life.

A person will never get a bigger fight than when they’ve cornered an addict who won’t surrender.  Your site goes above and beyond arguing against AA.  All the verbiage on this site SCREAMS “I GOT SERIOUS ISSUES [with AA].”  This isn’t about educating the public because maybe only.0001% of the public would ever be willing to read more than a few sentences and paragraphs of what can only be considered you working out your issues by massive journal writing.

If all I achieve from this is to work out my issues that would be great and I’d settle for that. Just because I am highlighting what is wrong with AA I have never in turn said there is nothing wrong with me; far from it, but whatever my issues are they are best dealt with away from the rooms of AA. AA should never have tried to scare me into conformity; those messages designed to do so have done a lot of damage to a lot of people.

Ask yourself “Why?”  Why does all of this bother you so much?  To give you an example, I a gay man.  It will probably always bother me to some extent when I’m confronted by the homophobia of others.  But those times in my life where I felt I had to wage a rageful war against the homophobes, made me realize that the person I really needed to confront was MYSELF.

That makes no sense at all. Why would you need to confront yourself when the problem of homophobia is clearly something wrong with those who have it? This is typical AA logic of blaming the victim – the victim is the criminal. If you mean that you are more likely to attain serenity if you just hand it over, then I can just about understand but to say you need to confront yourself over other people’s issues is just plain madness.

To bring it back to AA, I still go to meetings where I run into an old sponsor of mine—the guru type.  I know he’s a fraud and has a lot of other faults, it still angers me when I see people putting him up on a pedestal, but when I start to get a little extra angry, I know that it’s not about him anymore.  It’s my shit.  There is still so much more light, love and miracles I get from the program, to be blinded by anger against this one guy.

If I was still in AA I would’ve told you to stop taking your old sponsor’s inventory, but you know that already. As for the rest of that paragraph see above…

You sound like the deeply bitter first wife whose husband left her for a younger, more attractive woman.  You feel like you will never be able to trust another man again, and—sadly—until you let go of your resentments you probably won’t be able to. 

Thanks for the diagnosis. What has this got to do with me trusting men? Perhaps, rather like in the case of your ex-sponsor, this is your shit and not mine? Just a pointer. For the record I am not resentful to the point that it stagnates me; I just get on with it and to be quite frank I enjoy running Blamedenial – I enjoy learning about the truth and debunking the lies of the program. You should try it sometime; it is more than liberating.

There is probably a lot you could still get from AA and the 12 Steps if you were but willing to let go of your own resentments and focus on the solution.

I am focusing on the solution which involves educating myself about the problem, which was being told I was powerless in the rooms from the age of 19. Ever since I realised that I have been able to see hope in any dire situation. In fact everything is an opportunity to me now – even turmoil and I don’t even need to hand it over – I take responsibility!

But, even if that is not possible, I do agree with you that AA is only one way for a person to get sober, and live a free and useful life.  If you have found something that works better, then congratulations—do it then, get on with your life, stop wasting time being bitter on the solution that wasn’t right for you and give yourself fully to the solution that does work for you.

Why does everyone in AA think I spend my entire life fighting AA? I hardly ever update the site, unless I get shocking letters, and as for the videos, they only take me about 15 minutes to make each and I enjoy making them. I love choosing the music and I am always pleased to hear from people who share my views.  I am studying at the moment as well as working – I do have a life outside of this – this is a bit like a hobby to me, but only a small one. It is not that hard to see the wood for the trees when looking at AA; so I do not need to waste that much time doing it. AA does a pretty good job of doing that for me, as this letter clearly demonstrates.

Free yourself.  Free yourself.  Free yourself.  Free yourself.  Because your site looks to me to be just another prison of your own making, of your own madness, resentments, etc.
Finally, it would do you well to read The Autobiography of Malcolm X. 

You’re full of tips aren’t you? Are you trying to make me angry? You’re failing miserably – my friend has just asked me why I keep laughing so much; just to give you an idea of the mood your letter has left me in. My site is no such thing – I – and others – can come and go as we please; unlike AA. When I wanted to leave AA I was told in no uncertain I would either die or end up in an institution.

I read it shortly after I was introduced to program.  Malcolm Little was an out of control addict and definitely not living a free life where he was making a positive contribution to society.  In prison he found religion (Islam in his case)—specifically The Nation of Islam, an American cult version of Islam for African Americans.  I certainly do not agree with the teachings of The Nation of Islam, but as a minority, I appreciate the empowerment it offers to our nation’s most disenfranchised minority.  Whether I agree or disagree with the entirety of their teachings, I could not argue the good they work in people’s lives and in the community.

And how is that relevant here? Unless you think I need to have some kind of belief in order to be well. i.e. Step 3, HP, etc…

But the story of Malcolm X is more than just a “makeover” story.  It is the story of how one man can rise up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and become self actualized—without having to worry so much about whether he is doing=2 0it perfectly.
Malcolm X can teach you a lot about how to deal with the crisis you currently find yourself in.  He also grew to question the cult he was in, and he also left that cult and spent time trying to educate people on the imperfections of that cult.  But all the time, he stayed on his own individual path to freedom.  He lost faith in his religion only to find a deeper faith in it.  He found freedom because he was committed to a search for the deepest truth, the deepest beauty, the deepest freedom and the Universe around him was committed to keeping him on that path in those moments of weakness. 
Malcolm X found his salvation in an imperfect cult because, in the end, the cult is only a means to an end. 

I have left the cult and I am free now and I am doing my bit to educate people it.
 
We are humans, James, this interesting and agonizing combination of the animal (the imperfect) and the ethereal (the always perfect, divine ideal), and—for all we know—perhaps this is exactly why we struggle so with our problems such as addictions.  And our friendships, our relationships, our places of employment, our governments, and even our own personal strivings to meet our own needs to become self-actualized will always be plagued with the imperfect so long as we draw human breath.  But imperfect tools are tools nonetheless, and many people, some worse off and some better than you and I, have used these imperfect tools to find their salvation. 
 
OK – well I am glad I have reached the end of this ‘lesson.’  Have you ever been in the cinema watching a film that never ends but you feel you cannot leave because you went with friends?  I feel like that now, complete with numb bum!

All I am left pondering is whether you made your meeting or not. If not then my site can claim another success…

I hope and pray that we are both able to find the salvation that is out there for us,

Andrew

Thanks for wrapping that up,

James G

--------------------------

Hi James,
 
I came across your site thru youtube....was not looking for it...just came across it.

Hello,
 
Yes, I suspect that is how most people stumble across my videos. I cannot imagine many people in AA feeling too comfortable not sharing their doubt! ;)

I don't wish to ramble....want to keep it brief.
 
I joined AA  exactly 15 yrs ago...chronic alcoholic given months to live. Went to my first meeting, have never drank since.

Well done – I am pleased to hear that. I wonder whether you would have quit without AA given that you had been given months to live. I do have to say it does astound me the number of people who I came across in AA that had been ‘given months to live’. I am not suggesting for a moment that you are lying, but I remember one chap I was in treatment with who told us on his arrival that his doctor had warned him that he was cutting his life expectancy short if he did not curtail his drinking. By the time he had left that warning hadn’t evolved into ‘days to live’. Now I am not sure whether he was in denial when he arrived, or whether he was just trying to carry a strong message of hope.
 
15 yrs ago AA was different. The old timers would not just sit there - allowing the newcomers to dictate in the rooms. By newcomers, I still see 3yrs sobriety as still having their head up their arse. Over the years, as the old timers have gone, there has been an increased failing by the present old-timers to stand up and keep AA on the road to recovery. 

Is this newcomers to AA, newcomers to a new life; newcomers to what? And to be quite frank I am not 3 years sober but I do not see myself as having my head up my arse. I had a problem with substances, but that does not mean I knew nothing about life and how to live it. So this is an issue of control? Are you saying the program has its faults, and that the old-timers are needed to ensure that it works? I need some clarification here.

(Just for the record I am not saying that I have the solution; I am saying that AA hasn’t for sure though.)
 
I was reared so differently in AA....my understanding of passages, statements etc is so different from what I hear in the rooms today.  Too many to go into, however here's just two....
 
'Power Greater Than Ourselves'....as the speakers eyes look up towards the Heavens, as if in a desperate search for their God. They continue...'I have lost touch with my Higher Power...'

In response to this: The Big Book tells us, in We Agnostics, exactly were to find God........'..deep down inside every man woman and child'.....people miss this remarkable direction.  It tells us, the answers are within US, this POWER, that we are searching for.....is within US.  Not outside us, hoping for a direct line to God.....WE HAVE THE POWER WITHIN US TO RECOVER.  The truth is within us all.....and that is what is going to keep us alive.  Not sitting on the end of the bed, waiting for God to give us a sign etc.

The Big Book tells us – ouch it just feels so ‘divine’ - so evangelical – so bloody uncomfortable for me. I don’t buy it. Sorry. And besides if the answers are inside us, why do we need AA, or sponsors, or an HP for that matter?
 
POWERLESS:  I totally agree with you....it is POWER that we need in order to recover.  For years I have heard people say 'Hand it Over'.....nowhere in any of our writings does it state 'Hand it Over'.  What it does direct is 'Turn it Over'.  One may have a problem...people in the rooms say - hand it over to God - leave it - do nothing. Just wait.  WoW!! To carry on with one's life with such instructions would leave us doing nothing at all.  What is directed is...Turn it Over'....look at the same problem from another angle, a different perspective, from another person's point of view.  And as we all know....look at anything from another angle and it looks completely different.  trying to look at as many different points of view...collecting all the information....and somewhere in there is the truth....a truth upon which to make a decision....and a decisive decision upon which to take action on.  When one is doing something, taking positive action  (rather than doing nothing - only enforcing how powerless we are)....one ultimately regains their power back.....
 
Well it does tell us to hand our will and our lives over in step three… oh and it does tell us we are powerless over people places and things…

These are just two teachings I was given 15 yrs ago.....completely the opposite to what is being recited and quipped in AA.

Great and that just proves my point further – there is so much confusion in AA now that it is an unhealthy place to send people, on top of the fact that it does not work for 95% of the people that go to it for help. No wonder…

However, possibly like yourself, I have sat and openly questioned what has been shared in a meeting....I have to quite a degree rudely 'cross shared' when I have heard the nonsense spouted out by these people.

Join the club – I told a room full of people in a meeting that they had been following a program that was a load of bollocks. Great fun, not! You can read about it on My AA Writing Page.
 
I have very limited friends in AA now.....I get members who are approx 7 yrs sober coming to me for help....the foundations they set (with the 12 steps) over the years are crumbling away underneath them...they are confused.....their is little weight and depth in their recovery....just a mass of confusion and contradiction.  I pop to west london meetings now and again....and i choose carefully where i go and who I mix with.

Hmm we’ve probably been in the same meeting once or twice then. Do you feel like a big fish in a small pond? What do you do with these resentments you harbour against AA?
 
I take my hat off to you for questioning so loudly the present teachings and guidance of AA.....however, for myself, I have no-one else other than another recovering alcoholic to help me (at certain times). A good, solid member can bring one back to toe the line when one's head wants escapism.....revenge......etc.

You know you can be recovered without being in AA, don’t you? You should have a look around, people who have successfully dealt with this can also be found outside of the rooms of AA.
 
Fortunately, my head has been quiet for many years.....however, this is still due to 'Turning it Over'....24/7.
 
Great stuff…

I wish you well.
 
Kindest regards

Jacqueline

Regards,

James G

 

 

======

back

exit