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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." (Henny Youngman)
Letters and Comments
Hey, I got a letter where someone was giving you credit
for helping him to recover. It's a nice letter.
Look at the first letter on this page:http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-letters70.html
Kind of makes it worth the bother, doesn't it?
Have a good day.
== OrangeOrange,
Always good to hear from you. Yes that is a nice letter and means a lot to me.
Thanks for letting me know.
J a m e s G
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Hi again James,
Hello Anon,
I read with interest the letters and your responses in letters page 9.
I suspect the letter writers are the embodiment of the exhortation from The Big Book, "being sober for some time and not finding the programme working so well" the advice is to go find another alcoholic to "work" with. Maybe they think you fit the bill!That is one way to see it and a fairly amusing one at that! I often wonder what they think they are going to achieve by writing to me, but to be fair I always read what is written and on some occasions letters doubting the site and myself have proved useful and educational. We are all entitled to an opinion and I remain open-minded and as such I invite these challenges.
For AA to survive there is a constant need for new meat for the grinder the thinking being that if a stepper proselytises then it makes them immune from taking "the first drink".
Any altruistic motive for this approach immediately goes out the window.Recruit – don’t drink – recruit – don’t drink! If you tell someone that something is working for you for long enough, the chances are you will eventually believe that yourself. Someone sent me some stats that showed being a sponsored increased your chances of remaining sober in AA – which would suggest your point about that is correct. However having a sponsor made little or no difference to the chances of “recovery” by AA’s definition. If you have someone that looks up to you and relies on you, you had better work this thing and at least make it appear as it is working. I am a little careful with the whole sobriety time thing; how do we really know how long someone has been sober? All we have to go on is their word. I could walk into any AA meeting and state I have been sober 10 years – who’d be any the wiser?
I think the crux of all this pro AA anti AA discourse lies in the nature of the organisation.
It is a religious organisation which states it is not.Yes I agree. If AA made it clear it was a religious organization engaging in confession sessions, guilt inducing tactics, mind control and Higher Powers then that would go someway to alleviating my concerns, although it would not remove them entirely. The majority of the public believe that AA is a good thing too (see my latest video – Collective Responsibility.) Before the Internet if AA failed you all you could do was leave, but if it worked for you, you were/are encouraged to tell the world in Step 12 – it is no wonder its PR is so good. Very clever of Bill W.. Even people I know still slate me for questioning a self-help group for alcoholics. That is the public perception, the perception of anyone who has never been to a meeting, or has only been to a few. I use to defend AA’s notion that we can choose our own higher power, and when I realized the purpose of the HP was a channel to make people do the Steps, I still defended AA because I thought it was the lesser of two evils. i.e. better than drinking. I have since seen, however, how destructive this kind of indoctrination is for the individual.
I have read recently that it would be good for AA/NA to come out and declare themselves religions.I agree.Much would be cleared up and everyone entering would enter with their eyes wide open.
Yes that would be better but that would not mean AA was good per se, but certainly not as bad as it is now.
Even the Spanish Conquistadors stopped converting by force or stealth (AA/NA) in the 1700s.
Good point!
The deceptive way AA/NA recruit is truly dangerous and possibly lethal.
I think it is lethal. Telling someone they are powerless over their addiction and then offering the “only” solution in the form of a higher power that requires a belief, which is not a choice, is a very dangerous message to give to vulnerable people. No one can force themselves to believe anything, but if you scare the living daylights out of them, then I am sure anyone can become “willing” to believe, but they will be stuck in that limbo forever – between a rock and a hard place. I am damned if I don’t drink and go to AA and I am damned if I don’t drink and don’t go to AA. Great.
Bit simplistic but its my spin on the subject.
Not at all; I found it very interesting. Thanks for taking the time to let us hear your views.
Keep up the good work James,
I intend to despite the fact that many of the messages recently have been against the site. When I first set up blaemedenial all the messages were ones of support, but now the site is getting some more exposure it would be expected that that trend should change. I will rise to challenge – perhaps it means I am getting somewhere!!!
Anon.
J a m e s G
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I'm curious as to how you came up with your views on AA. Would you be willing to discuss them in depth with me?
Yes I would - you can email me at jamesg@blamedenial.co.uk and you can view my site at www.blamedenial.co.uk - the overview page gives you some idea at how I have reached these conclusions.
Any reason why you would like to discuss them?
Kind regards,
J a m e s G--------------------------------------------------------------
I listen to Penn Jillette's radio show every day at 2.
Well today they were telling stories about lab
animals. Some guy called in who had worked in an
animal lab where they administered alcohol to rats and
coke to monkeys. He said they gave the rats water
laced with beer, and after a while, the rats when
given a choice would always choose the water that had
the beer in it. The rats became hooked on the
alcohol. And Penn says, "ALL of the rats?" and the
guy says, "Yes." And Penn said that was interesting
because the people in AA would have you believe that
some people are "born alcoholics" and others are not.
Anyway, I know that rats are not human beings but I
just thought it was quite interesting that all of the
rats became addicted. That is worth looking into, if
we can figure out how to google it.I came across something similar during my first stint in a treatment centre It would be interesting if we could find out more about these experiments. It does go someway to proving that this is a learned behaviour, although it does little to prove that it can also be unlearned. It would be amazing to link both that study with something that proved it could be unlearned. And although AA will have us believe this is a disease that we are born with, or we are somehow not responsible for having, Bill Wilson then goes on to make it clear that he believes that sin is the cause of all our problems. Hmm – you figure it out!
Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. (Big Book, Bill Wilson, Chapter 5.)
Say’s it all really! I use to use that all the time with newcomers because it is so cleverly misleading and on the surface it makes sense, but once you take it apart and look at it for what it is, you begin to see that it is just a clever play on words, especially when you consider what Dr Silkworth says in the opening chapter of the book that this is a disease characterized by cravings and compulsion. If it was, what does any of the above have to do with the price of eggs? “God makes that possible.” So much for this not being a religious program.
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. (Big Book, The Doctor’s Opinion.)
Anyway, before I go off on a tangent, thank you for your letter and let us know if you manage to find out anymore about all this on the Net.
J a m e s G
PS Some interesting links I found:
http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v26/n6/full/1395851a.html
http://www.bnl.gov/CTN/addiction.asp
I have not had a chance to read all the documents on the latter link – if anyone has the time to, could they let me know if they are worth reading.
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Why do you ppl have so much against AA? Is it because yous couldnt get a
grip of the programme yourselfs ? what is it ? tell me plz i really wanna
know , your friend Xa has made a new vid about battles, personal battles and
stuff - wtf? myself or olliviahallett has only spoke of our own experience
thats all , Xa refers to us as 'steppers' but we werent 12stepping anyone we
were or i was only saying what it was like for me.Hello, and thanks for the email. All I am trying to do is show that AA is not the only way to recover. XA is not a friend of mine, he is just someone else who has decided to make videos on this subject. I certainly have not made any videos based on what you have said to me on Youtube; I have been making them for sometime. Do you practice the Steps? If so, what is your understanding of the 12th Step with regards to carrying the message to other alcoholics? When you suggest that the reason I am doing what I am doing is because I did not get the program, you inadvertently highlight your belief that the program is faultless and it is only the individual that can fail. Within that you must also believe it is the only way in which to recover. With regards to whatever XA may have said, or not said, you will have to contact him for his response to that. I am not in the business of using 'we' when responding to emails. XA and I have similar views but we certainly do not agree on everything and as such it would be wrong for me to start talking for him. I do, however, support his right to express his experience and views, in fact, I applaud him for having the courage to be an individual with individual beliefs.
If AA was so dangerous then why am i still sober after 4.5 yrs? Because i
have a CHOICE to drink? dont even hit me with that shit man ha CHOICE i
didnt choose to drink- well i did but i didnt know any better and once i had
the 1st one i cudnt control it , ppl in AA are just ppl you know - we are
all equal - i only want to see new ppl coming bac to see them get better
thats all and they do get better - IF they (through choice) dont lift the
1st drink - there / our lives improve - hey James AA is not everyones cuppa
tea but why dont you's just leave it
alone????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????AA does not work for the vast majority of people but it has become the adopted treatment for 90% of treatment centres in the US. The courts have even begun to send people to AA or face punishment. AA's success rate is 5% at best, even by its own figures leaked in 1989. I choose not to leave AA alone because of those 95% that do not get it I have seen too many people make Step one's assertion that they are powerless over alcohol a self-fulfilling prophecy resulting in the death of a couple of my friends. Not only does AA not work for pretty much everyone that goes to it, it also harms people. You are basing your conclusions on your experience alone, and the people you hear at the meetings you attend, but you are not hearing, nor listening, to what others are saying. I accept that AA might work for some people, and I am happy to admit that, but what I am not happy to do is endorse AA's PR machine that states AA works and if it does not it is not because of the program but because of the individual.
Why all the nonsense vids ? i am only a part of AA i dont run it - i only
made comments on Xas vids expressing my own feelings i even said to one
person - 'im glad youve managed to get sober on your own youv did something
i cudnt do well done to you and Xa has made some dumb ass video that says
something like 'hope you add me to your resentment list lmao ha man i dont
resent him at all - why would i resent him? he made a cuppla vids and i got
a bit confused and sent him a pm saying - im a bit confused r u against aa
/na or for it? and he sent me one back saying that we gotta talk and i added
him to my msn but we never had a chat and we never will because the last
thing i need is his sickness ... or yours .So you are saying I am sick because I do not endorse AA? Come on, that is not right. You are sounding like a cult now; do it our way, agree with us, or you are sick. Why should AA be free of any scrutiny or questions? I am sorry but again I cannot talk for XA - you will have to resolve those issues with him directly. You are clearly upset by all this, and I am sorry you are, but these are my views. You are allowed to go to meetings and say how AA is the only thing that has worked for you, there by reducing all other methods, let me do the same except I am saying AA did not work for me, and many of the visitors to my site. We are not all the same…
I tried an alcohol advisory service before AA and they tried to control my
drinking ... it didnt work! why ? because im an alcoholic and not a heavy
drinker , so i didnt go back and that was it.Are you saying that because you believe I should stop telling everyone AA did not work for me? As I have stated I believe AA can harm people and that should be acknowledged too. I respect your right to tell me that that method did not work for you, now please respect my right to express my experience. AA has a monopoly on treatment - and the public as a whole has a right to know that it does not always work. I am sick of people telling me I am sick, like you have, simply because I reject the notion that I am powerless over my own life and choices.
Why couldnt you guys do that with AA? i didnt make silly childish videos and
create silly websites about it i just left it at that.Childish and silly? Hmm I am not sure that is the case. Again you inadvertently point out that any stepper who witnesses someone taking control of their own lives is somehow less than everyone else. Where is my freedom to express my experience strength and hope? You go to any AA meeting and a lot of members will put down other methods of treatments that did not work for them - I am doing that with AA. Why does that bother you so much? If all I need to do is say these things to reduce your program to nothing then that should concern you more than anything I actually have to say.
simple
keep it simpleI am sorry but I am not into being silenced anymore with slogans that are designed to stop individual thought. I am not a member of your fellowship and as such I do not to adhere to your views. But on a side note, I do keep it fairly simple; I do not get drunk and I do not get high anymore; I take responsibility for my life these days. That is a little more simple than the conversion that takes place within AA.
your not
why dont you just leave AA to help the ppl that its helping and get on with
the rest of your lifes?
the thing that gets me is ... you go to AA you dont even try the steps then
you say that they dont work lol.What makes you think I did not try the steps? Read my website - I tried them alright, but it must be me that failed them, not the other round, right? After all they are infallible?
Another thing that gets me is you's go to AA decide its not for you - you
hate it - you resent it whatever ..... THEN YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
TALKING ABOUT IT!!!!!! now thats silly!This is not my life at all. I have a life outside of all this. I simply want people to know the truth about AA and the fact that it is not for 95% of the people that try it.
What are you gaining out of making these vids? how long did you go to AA for ? more than a day? why did you go to AA in the 1st place? couldnt you have
just chosen not to drink there and then??????????I was sent to AA at the age of nineteen and I have been going on and off for 9 years. I have had 2 years of 'sobriety' as defined by AA. I had a problem and I asked for help and the help offered to me was AA. It did not work for me. No alternative was offered to me.
Theres all different kinds of ppl in AA we are not perfect - we are just a
group of ex drunks trying to get better everyday, one day at a time helps
me, We are just ppl trying to live a normal as possible life and now that
ive stopped drinking i use AA (my AA friends) for support whats the BIG
deal??The big deal is that you tell people they are powerless over alcohol, even when it is not in their system - that is a dangerous belief to instill in people, a really dangerous belief to instil in people. It can lead to them making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You should read a little more literature that is not AA approved. I used to be you; believing that AA is the best thing ever, but there is not an all encompassing solution to an individual solution. I want to take responsibility for my life, and I do not want to hand my will over to something that I have no comprehension of, and I want to share that experience with people. I am sorry if that cramps your style.
Xa says on his vidz that hes happy to help anyone then he goes and makes a
twisted vid like that, for what purpose? i thought everyone was getting
along fine .Talk to XA about that please. I don't think his videos are twisted, I think he wants to ask some questions, but I cannot be sure of that as I do not know him and we are not a fellowship - we are individuals. Refer those and the above points to him please.
It says in ch5 WE ARE NOT SAINTS and that means we dont strive for
perfection and i make mistakes all the time but i'l tell you what ... you's
remind me of myself a few years back .. sick and twisted coz thats what
you's are -wasting your lifes away trying to ruin something that saves lives
and even if it was 5% its still something! damn it doesnt matter what i say
because this is what you's want - feedback - lots of it so you's can make
more silly vids, and theres me giving you it too , why cant i just 'let go'
because im not perfect.
Plz answer my questionsI am not a saint either but I certainly do not buy into the idea of seeing myself as sinful, as Bill W regarded us in the 12 and 12. The way you say that, I am doomed if I do answer and I am doomed if I don't; that is typical 12 Step ideology - put someone in a position where they cannot win. If AA saves lives that is great, but it is not the only solution, and it can harm people too - perhaps more than it helps.
ward to your reply
StephenKind regards and well done on your sobriety,
J a m e s G
PS when Bill Wilson sentences anyone who does not work his 'suggested' program of recovery to death, I get annoyed:
"Unless each A.A. member follows to the best of his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant. His drunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted by people in authority; they result from his personal disobedience to spiritual principles ." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill Wilson, page 174.)
Another letter:
Its not about 'confessing our sins' its about clearing away the wreckage of
the past - being able to have something that you dont have - peace of mindHow do you know I do not have peace of mind? Is that based on the assumption that I make these videos and maintain a website and therefore I must be spiritually ill? Interesting considering you are writing to me in a way that might suggest you are void of that peace of mind too. Hmmm.
J a m e s G
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Hello.
I'm Finnbogi from Iceland.
I do dig what your're doing about all this AA stuff.
Thank you for the support.
I have been sober now for over 9 years. My first years where hell becouse i did'nt get plugged in to some kind of program. I know this feeling in AA where i thought that to be apart of i had to talk like others and be like i thought they where but today i have done the steps and re-done them over and over and i don't have that kind of stuff inside my anymore. I am a member of a big book study group called ppg(primary purpose group)but there we want to do things like they where done when there was a hope in AA...Not like today...One of the reasons why there is such a low sucsessrate in AA is becouse when the 12 and 12 came out in 1953,people began to use that book to work the steps,ewen thogh in the book it says that the big book is the way to work them...And of course the treatmentcenters began to tell people to do some other stuff in AA thaen is sugested in the liteture. We here in Iceland have no got many spiritual awekenings in the fellowship the last few years and yes,sometime this is like a Cult and there is some leaders and stuff but when people learn more how to use those tools they get more confidence then before.
I am myself seeing a pshychiatrist and one of the issues are those that i got narrowminded and untollerant of other wiews but AA. But most of those so-called Step-Nazis(Here in Iceland they are called Talibans)grow through that and become more loveable and free of jugement. It really breaks my heart to know that people are nowadays not in AA to save their lives but trying to stay sober one day at a time(in the big book it is once and for all,we live live one day at a time).
we have got this website that is full of taperecordings from various 12-stepfellowships.
Check it out
www.xa-speakers.org Mickey B Mark H Don P
Love
FinnbogiIt sounds like you have been through the whole questioning of AA and have found your place in it. I am not going to try and persuade you otherwise, but I will say I am happy that you think it is working for you. It did not work for me, and many others, and despite what you say, it is impossible to make any changes in AA which I think is one of its weakest points.
Thank you and good luck,
J a m e s G
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...I've watched most of your videos & have been very, very impressed -
Kronos Quartet was a nice touch, too, since I LOVE their haunting music!
Sorry if it ever appeared that I was giving you a hard time - after
seeing your YouTube videos, I have newfound respect for the work you're
doing...
& don't give up the baseball cap - you're too cute! ;)
(of course, I haven't yet seen the video sans cap...)
peace,Kim
Kim,
Ha ha - thanks!! I have been waiting for a positive email all day - got loads of critical ones lately.
So how do I look without the cap? Oh well there goes my anonymity.
Don't worry about the hard time thing; I am used to it but to be fair you weren't that harsh, not like those people calling me high.
Thanks again,
J a m e s G
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Hello James,
I left AA in May after 2 and half years in the cult. I am glad that people like you are getting the truth out there, it's very hard to leave AA after such self esteem deflating indoctrination. | am in the process of regaining my self autonomy, like you I bought into the belief system that went against my nature. Though I doubted it, I learnt how to label such thoughts as wrong or 'diseased', so internalising doubt about AA into self doubt. It's has been a difficult and lonely summer as I don't have many friends in this town who not AA members, but now I have started an a postgraduate degree and I am meeting new intelligent, non-cult people. I'm making progress. I shall write more soon.
Geoff
Geoff,
Thanks for the mail. It is hard but nonetheless possible.
Well done on starting your post grad. Would really like to hear more from you. You write well and are to the point. If you are interested in writing for the site, send me some examples of work and I will post it.
Hang in there.
J a m e s G
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James,
I wish to burden you with more ruminations regarding AA.
Not a burden at all – I appreciate the effort.
12 step, it appears, deals with issues that do not involve AA per se. There are many XA groups that use 12 step. Logically, these groups are not just copy cats.
That is, 12 step is an answer to a question. What is the question?
AA is replete with slogans. It seems to me that these slogans are "anti communication"; by intent; and, by result. There is a tendency to fill the air time with empty words.
Yes that is what I see them as too – especially ones like, ‘take the cotton wool out of your ears and stick it your mouth.’ If that is not a way to silence someone, then what is? Or how about, ‘you know nothing, the program knows everything’?
There is a "hard AA" and a "soft AA". It appears, to some, that "soft AA" is dominant now. It appears that some in AA decry this; the ills of AA are attributed to the rise of "soft AA".
I don’t think AA was ever designed to change or evolve. The program is not one concerned with sobriety but spiritual conversion to the ways of Bill Wilson and Frank Buchman. If that is your aim, you have to do it the ‘hard’ way, if it isn’t, then it is going to stop you drinking anyway.
95% leave within one year. I do not believe that a clear reading as to why has risen to public knowledge. The folks just leave.
Yup that is all they have been able to do until the Internet came along. Have a look at my latest video.
In "the rooms", much of the sharing is about AA; that is, gratitude toward AA for saving them. I am not clear as to the rationale for putting this out. I do think that AA needs to hear it.
I think it is a basic cult tenet in the sense that if something is repeated enough it becomes “truth”.
AA is not, in my view, a cult. It is a patholical organization whichs feeds upon vulnerabilty and desparation. AA needs people who are in trouble; not to help them; but, to feed upon them. Have I called AA predatory? Yes.
That would depend on what definition of a cult you use, but whether AA is a cult or not is not really the issue in my eyes. The question is; is AA good for the individual or destructive? And so far my research has led me to believe that it is dangerous to the individual.
AA is: mad, bad and dangerous to know.
I do think that the first question I posed: What is the question that 12 step answers, is important to understand the dynamics of AA.
I think AA creates a bigger problem than drinking in Step One, that forces the alcoholic to ignore his drinking and embark on a journey of self-defeating behaviour. The program is designed to instill a dependence on the group where the ‘alcoholic’ needs to attend meetings merely to function. When they attend these meetings and hear how the program ‘works’ they see themselves to blame and at fault, yet powerless over the very problem AA gave them, and diagnosed them with, and the solution? Well, AA will have them believe there is no long term cure, just a daily reprieve by confessing your sins, doing the Steps and going to meetings – forever.
Keep up the good work!
I will!!!
H
Thank you for your thought provoking letter.
J a m e s G
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You may well have saved my life.
I went into treatment for the first time in 1981. It was the heyday of insurance-paid 30-day treatment. The second time was a month later. There have been several failed attempts at "treatment" in the in these subsequent 25 years. The thing that kept me going back, with as many as four years between drinks, was the orthodoxy that AA was the only game in town.
I've done a few 4th and 5th steps, as AA tells you if you don't, you'll drink and you'll die. When I did relapse, it was with a fifth of vodka, hell bent on self destruction. After all, wasn't that the disease progression?
My uncle was sober 30 years in AA when he died. My father has been sober 32 years after going to AA for three months in 1974. My husband, whom I met at an AA meeting, has been sober 20 years. If it works for you, well, bully for you. You're lucky.
It didn't work for me. Inevitably, I would get to a point where the sharp edges of my psyche needed softening. When the scripts ran out, booze was always there. That I often ended with shakes and withdrawal was, I now believe, the effect of the AA rubber band being pulled back so far that whem it was released, it had momentum that otherwise wouldn't have existed.
How can I know this? I've been drinking in a controlled fashion for six months now, something AA convinced me was impossible. I have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, a concept entirely at odds with once a drunk, always a drunk. Their claim is that alcoholism is a progressive disease ending in death, and even if you don't drink, the disease progresses on its own. What utter malarkey.
Then there's the disease concept. I was taught I had something in my brain called THP by an addiction specialist who found that skid row drunks had this compound in their brains when autopsies. But how in the world can the cure for a physical disease be a "spiritual program"? Diabetics don't pray their way to a pancreas that starts making islet cells again, why is alcoholism the only disease where going to meetings and turning "your will and your life" over to some deity is the cure.
What hurt me most was the label I had to carry as a failed AAer. A chronic relapser--even though I'd go months and years between drinks. It's continuous sobriety that counts in AA. I felt like I always had to qualify anything I said with that caveat, which, despite what they say, puts you on the lowest tier in the peckng order. And there is most definitely a pecking order. The heads would shake and eyes would roll. I was always on the 1st step, a demeaning place to be when you've been attending meetings for 25 years. But, rigorous honesty demanded that I give my history publicly. Don't believe it when they say it's principals over personalities. There's a notable "sponsor" personality.
At the top are the ones who sponsor many, usually the most controlling, egotistical, didactic and rigid sort. They have "pigeons," which if ever there was a totem pole of worthiness, "pigeons" are at the ground floor. These sponsors rule their minions with more power than any church I know of. I've been to meetings in which the prevailing philosophy was that any drug, including antidepressants, are discouraged at best, and depending on the power given the sponsor, verboten altogether.
When you fail at AA, your only hope for sobriety, there's nothing left for you. Your life is hopeless and suicide becomes a rational alternative. Work the steps, or you will drink, and if you drink, you will die. How many have died in direct correlation to their relapsing in AA?
Giving up AA has been the most positive thing I've done since that spelling bee in 2nd grade. I don't have to buy into that doctrine anymore, and I finally have hope where hopelessness used to reign, consuming my mind, infusing everything I did with some fundamental sense of guilt and unworthiness.
After all, if God won't keep you sober, then you must be fundamentally inadequate and flawed.
And, one more thing. That "God as you understand him," in meetings bookended by Christian prayers is at best, suggestive, at worst, a complete indoctrination into a religion that can easily be viewed as a destructive force, especially here in the Bible Belt of the US.
Thank you for opening my eyes to greater possibilities.
If you're ever in *******, I've got a spare bedroom.
Jill
Jill,
Thank you for the letter. I have nothing to add because you put it very well. I am also happy that you have managed to find a way to drink safely again and wish you all the best.
Oh and thanks for the offer of a place to stay.
J a m e s G
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James: Since I still haven't recieved anything in the mail from you
regarding your anti step work films. maybe you can send me an e-mail
describing how I might take your vlog and actually get it off on to a disc,
so that I may transfer it to a mini dv for airing as a segment for an ex
stepper show here in NYC?
later rationaldlDonald,
Thank you for your emails regarding my videos. Before I send them I would like to know more about where they will be being broadcast, and whether they will be edited at all. A couple of TV stations have asked me to work with them but I have always been cautious about my work being broadcast by someone else. I hope you understand my need to clarify these things. On a side note the videos are made for the net and as such the quality is very low - this might cause a problem for any large broadcast.
Another option might be for me to make a film specifically for you expressing all my thoughts. If you would like me to do this, simply set out some of the ideas and topics you want covered and I will make a high quality film for you. Perhaps you could write down some questions you would like answered and I will get someone to ask me them on film?? Just an idea…
It would be good to have a chat about all these things - I do not want to rush into anything.
Hope you are well,
J a m e s G
Great: I am an ex stepper, and write on all the sites. Most of my experience
has been centered around what happened to me in recovery due to most of the
supportive services which deal with the addicts, and poor addcits.
Unfortunately they are 12 step oriented. See
http:/www.geocities.com/rationaldl/AANAHorrorindex.htmlThis site will give you topics from which you can chose. The station is MNN and is a publicaccess cable station here in NYC and is on the web. The shows aired are
shown on the net the night they are on TV. So if I ever get it done it will
appear there also and you can see it in the UK. The station does all sorts
of programming. It is for the public. I won't edit it at all. You may say
anything about the step groups that you wish. Afilm is great. I get to do 28
minutes, so twebty minutes or so will be good. You might wish to break it
up. This is not a pro step show and no stepper will get a rebitle. It is
entirely an ex stepper anti 12 step show.
The rest of my endeavors has to deal with a system whereby steppers like
myself, and detlaf Sax, and others were gangstalked and have been the
recipient of harassment because of it, on long term basis.
rationaldl Don Lee-------------------------------------------------------------