WELCOME TO BLAME DENIAL
Great New Blog: donewithaa.wordpress.com
THE AA MYTH EXPOSED:
By B l A m E
"When people ask me if I am against AA/NA - I respond - I am if being 'for' the 'alcoholic' or 'addict' affords them the right to question, which AA/NA does not allow"
J
NEW: Film Review
04/03/09 My Last Chat with Mike
CLOSED : UPDATE 01/03/09
I am no longer going to produce my own videos but I am not just going to leave Mike on his own. I will produce any ideas he wants me to - so I will still be around but just not in my capacity as Blamedenial, or as the main member of Blamethenile on Youtube.
I would love to continue to do this as often as I have been doing but on some level I feel as though it became a distraction leading me to neglect those aspects of my life that make it really worth living. This way I am able to contribute but at the same time when I go to bed at night it is not all I am thinking about.
The period of growth I have been through from the first inception of Blamedenial to now is utterly astounding. I owe much of the confidence I have now to many of you, and that is not something I am in a rush to forget. However along the way I have come up against not only myself but also on occasion charlatans on both sides of the AA fence. There was a period when I used to believe that as long as a person shared my views on AA I assumed we shared the same opinions on everything else. It has to be remembered that the day I set up the site my sole purpose was to express my experience of AA but before I knew it I allowed myself to speak for a greater audience. Whilst that was very much a privilege, it was never to be my lot in life. I constantly felt compared to Orange, and my mistake was having realised this, to attempt to live up to him. The ultimate lesson, at least for me, is that unlike AA, the world is full of individuals who in turn not only have different objectives but also methods – and there is nothing wrong with that at all, unless of course the aim is to create a body of clones.
When Mike came on board I was forced to some extent to abandon the individual part of my message and I think the videos reflect that. I am more than pleased that this happened because unbeknown to me at the time it acted as a catalyst that allowed me to drift away from the centre of this debate and gradually build a life away from what was once an obsession. If that had not happened I suspect I would still be very much immerged in the debate forgetting about what I needed to do as an individual in my world right now.
But by far the saddest part of all that has happened over the past few years is the fact that there still remains a small body of people desperate to cause me discomfort. The Internet is permanent – and I have a hunch I will be made to answer for all that I have said in the future. The last time I Googled myself properly two videos appeared; one of which was very distressing. However when I consider everything deeply even if I had been in AA I would have spoken out against any person that treated a lone individual in this way, regardless of whether they spoke for AA or against it. In fact one of the reasons I left AA was because it was clear AA did not respect any other method of recovery save its own. The irony of all of this, I hope at least, is my belief that any members of AA that have witnessed the amount of abuse and torment I have received online, will be driven to do precisely what I did, and challenge AA. I sleep easily at night knowing that these people have damaged their cause far more than ours by their actions. After all if someone left AA as a result of being spurned to research the program as a direct result of this bullying I would call that a far greater success than someone who left because they watched a couple of my videos. My videos are words on a screen; their actions are facts. AA harms itself, as do its members – the fact that hardly any AAers were willing to speak out against what others were doing simply because it furthered their agenda is sad, worrying and above all revealing. I have said this many times before and I will say it again – if AA survives it will be squarely down to the doctrine of anonymity – with it the individual responsibility that makes almost all other organisations accountable is dispelled. Please do not forget that.
Take care my friends and thank you for all your support. I look forward to supporting Mike and others in my new, and appropriately diminished, role.
Regards,
J
PS If you want to contact me please do so through mike@blamedenial.co.uk
*Any video that Mike has been involved with will remain online.*